I shit you not.

Somebody else.

2012-01-22T02:47:00.000+08:00

Its Chinese New Year 2012.

And college's been tough, things' been weird, hectic, people, less new people, more old people, no people, people all at once. Yeah. I think nobody understands what I'm getting at.

._.

*********

생일 축하한다,언니!

사랑해 ♥

마지막.

2012-01-06T02:09:00.000+08:00

"Cause when a heart breaks
no, it don't break even."

♥

Hello, 2012.

2012-01-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

Goodbye, 2011.

There's been too many pictures here. Now's one with none. There's about 45 minutes before the first day of 2012 ends. It feels a little bit scary, a little bit exciting. Mostly scary though.

2011 have been a good year, it might not be great, but it wasn't bad. Just a short reflective moment. I survived the first quarter of the year in Singapore. It was a great experience, full of crazy anxiety, tiring walks, serious exercising, long working days although it was short lived, great loneliness and fun solo times. Then, I got the results of SPM which supposedly changes my life. I am proud, I am suprised, I'm so thankful for that 10A's.

Finally came back from Singapore and straight into another adventure. Its amusing for the adventure here at Subang started at Genting, and I ended the year there too. This whole girlfriend experience, its exciting, its tiring, its amusing, its sad, its happy, I wouldn't change a thing.

College. Hmmm.
I thank God for Jo, no way I would've survived.
I thank God for Kristal, no way I would've survived.
College, social wise, was.. terrible. College, academic wise, was a challenge. But I am glad that my futile efforts paid off in the end. I learnt so much from the social science class and FINALLY learnt proper English and writing. Another sem to go. Sighs. Hang in there, self.

*********

2012 Resolutions :

1. I will treat people with respect, and I will be treated with respect.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself. -Mark 12:31
3. "To walk in the fear of God for all the days of your life."

I'll make mistakes, I'll learn, I'll live, I'll love.
♥

Jumping into the unknown.

2012-01-01T23:09:00.001+08:00

I'll start with an obligatory picture of the Ipoh signboard thingy. (:

It was meant to a food trip. So, we reached and immediately went to look for food. Headed towards Tai Shu Keok? Lol.

And then this lil girl came by trying to sell these pens to collect school fees and she 'rapped' in Chinese which they found dope. So they bought corn biodegradable pens for rm10.

Headed to town to buy kaya puffs and eat Funny Mountain Tau Foo Fa.

And buy salted chicken. That I never actually got to eat.

And suddenly Ju Dee (who works there) showed up. ((((((: Had a short chat. I'm really surprised that she still recognizes me.

Ipoh chicken, tauge, hor fun, meatballs! Last meal of the day and after some long talk about.. stuff, we headed towards Penang!

Obligatory picture of the Penang bridge :

The first most interesting thing that happened, while on the bridge, we opened the window and tossed out a key into the Selat Tebrau. IN A MOVING CAR. That was totally cool. The thought of it is just slightly crazy, slightly relieved, and a lot of fun, even though the moment lasted 30 seconds.

After finally reaching our host's house. Said hi to the mom, sat at the backyard, drank some herbal tea from the mum and headed out to eat some famous chau kuay teow, which unfortunately, was all sold out because it was already 1 in the morning. =\

The next morning, after dim sum, courtesy of the mom because none of us could get up, we went to eat the most awesome laksa and had some ice kacang, but the cendol stall was closed. =\ Bought some paper fried chicken, super nice indeed.

Then we went to Straits Quay. It was still bright when we reached so we walked a lil and went to chill at Charlie Brown's Cafe.

Loved the decorations. Mummy would love the place. (:

Then unnie came and found me, YAY! We headed towards Gurney Drive for dinner. More food!

The pretty lights at Straits Quay.

Muar chee, pasembor, char kuay teow, fried oyster with egg, fresh sugar cane. Took a short walk down Gurney Drive and looked at the stuff they were selling. After that, we headed over to two dance studios to say hi or something and they were sooo good, its amazing to watch. Don't judge a dancer from his face. ;p

By the time we were prepared to head towards Genting, it was about 1am (again), and we stayed up and told stories the whole morning to keep awake with the driver. For some terrible reason, we took the old road up to Genting. It was dark, scary, empty and still pretty fun.

The view of the cold morning at Genting.

We reached at approximately 4.30am and went to chill at Starbucks. And played Chor Dai Di the whole morning through, in the dark because Starbucks actually closes at 5.30am and opens at 8.30am. I've finally ventured to some parts of Genting that I haven't been to before even though I was there quite often this, I mean last year.

"My underwear is giving me a wedgie. A terrible wedgie."

HAHAHA.

So after freezing my butt off through the early morning, we went back to the car for a 'short' nap and then because the driver still wanted to sleep, we went to have breakfast and the finally left Genting at about 2-ish.

Its interesting to be stuck around uhmm.. good, Christian people, all with our own pasts. It feels so amazing to say a prayer together in the car. Journey mercy, God.

I've learnt more throughout this trip and I've heard more, listened more, spoke a lil bit more and sleep way too little. But is was still DOPE. (: Another word that's been repeated throughout the trip. It is now one of the many memories that I'll keep with me for a long time, if not, forever.

Thank you, and thank God.

♥♥♥♥

Stories and Fairytales.

2012-01-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

"What the Heck."

The most repeated line I've been hearing for the last 3 days.

*********

As I've promised, the second half of December. Its technically a lil too late because its already 2012. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So after whatever happened in the previous post, I got sick. Food poisoning and some gastric issues. And so.. I was admitted into the hospital for 2 days.

Ouch. I got out and back to KL a couple of days before Christmas.

But before all the sick part happened,we had a small, sad session of karaoke with tai gor gor and unnie.

And then I watched CHC KL's Christmas production. It was pretty awesome, a bit potong stim at the end. But I thought the whole singing/choreography/costume part was great. The story itself.. not so much. I loved it anyway.

Then there was a lot of baking involved. Red velvet cupcakes for Christmas. (:

ᄒᄒᄒ

Somewhere before the baking and the Christmas, we followed Coex to his gig at Kajang and sang some carols there with the CF.

Then, went to support the last night of Demolition Crew @ Vertigo.

On Christmas morning, I went to watch the Acts Church Christmas production, called "Life is Heart".

And on Christmas night, went to the annual family friends' barbeque dinner. I think I actually enjoyed myself despite the big bruises on my leg, I learnt how to shuffle and wore a box on my head. With bacon strips and barbequed marshmallows, this Christmas was a good one.

*********

Coming up next, Ipoh-Penang-Genting trip.

ROAD TRIP! (:

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T03:59:00.000+08:00

"We're smiling but we're close to tears. Even after all these years."
- For the First Time, The Script

Please, God?

2011-12-13T01:43:00.001+08:00

"Sorry ladies, the shirt is staying on."

"HAHAHA."

*********

December. Last month? Best month? Boring month? Freedom month? It may be all of those. And none of those, at the same time.

December, to me, started off as awesome. Why? Because SUPER JUNIOR WAS IN MALAYSIA. And. I got to see Donghae, my love, my everything, he's everything beautiful.

My love for them, that never died out, has been rekindled to be a much more brighter flame now.
Sapphire blue flame. Sapphire blue light.

All incidents recorded in this post now will be random happenings from throughout the first 13 days of December not in any specific order.

I wore a full matching set of pajamas.

I helped cut and poach apples to make Apple Crumble.

I went to try all kinds of wild honey that they were promoting in a very nice champagne glass and not buy any because each jar costs approximately 1-- bucks.

I met up with Shannon and met some new, nice people who actually go shopping and sit in the middle of FOS waiting for us to choose our clothes. And to eat Snowflake with. ;p

Went out and got quite drunk, danced with someone I met for the first and last time, got a bruise on my chin, a glass-cut on my thumb, made new memories and more mistakes, with

no regrets.

Thank God I have no picture to blog about this with.

Spent an afternoon eating good meatball noodles, walked in the park, played with the swing in the playground, sat on the see-saw listening to Wedding Dress, avoiding puddles of mud on the way back, lazed around the whole afternoon, sprawled across the bed with a new friend falling asleep while lying on me.

God is good.
God is kind.
God is love.
I love God.

Live for God, live for yourself.
Its all a choice.
Don't choose wrong.

*********

Its not easy. Its not easy for either of us. I pray that you're happy everyday. I believed you're stronger. I believed that you were so much more. I know it was wrong, that we're both cowards now. Don't be scared. Don't be scared of me. Don't be scared of what becomes of us. I'm sorry I happen to get my way with certain things, with things that involves you. I already feel bad. Tell me something I don't already know. My arms will always be open for you. You've already snagged a place in my life, don't worry. Be.. happy. Be content.

Live, love, laugh.

12 Daddy Tips.

2011-12-05T05:39:00.000+08:00

1. You have to live with your choice.
2. Don't get into something that doesn't make you happy.
3. Be honest with your heart.
4. Don't bullshit.
5. Never ever compromise your feelings.
6. Do what you need to do.
7. You must be happy with what you choose and stand by that.
8. Clever does not translate to success.
9. We have to live with what we do.
10. There's no such thing as 'you have to..'
11. If you like it, then continue. If you don't like it, then leave.
12. Do not be a hypocrite.

Am I happy?

Nothing more, nothing less.

2011-11-29T03:41:00.001+08:00

YO! From Ipoh. Haha.

This weekend back in Ipoh is indeed an odd one. Its not like it was really fun, and it wasn't boring. It was.. eventful. In the sense where I barely had time where I didn't have anything specific to do.

Well. The main activity that I did the whole weekend was.. Lamp post-ing.

with love, sighss.

Ma lai kou! (:

And of course, there was quite a lot of eating. We should always always have an open stomach for Ipoh food. See, one other bad thing about living away from home is that every time you get home, you just eat EVERYTHING. =\

Blue sky, white clouds.

On the way back from KL. It was indeed an experience, the kind where once is enough. The train, ETS, ran into some electricity problem in Kampar. So we were stuck in Tapah Road Station for 2 hours. Took us 5 hours to get back to Ipoh.

And we had VVIP tickets to the beach party. Thanks to Mr. Calvin. It was.. alright. Could've been really fun. If I actually had the right people to go with.

Which I did. Lamp post-ing excluded.

The hair/fashion/make-up show was pretty good though. I recognize some of my schoolmates as models or just.. there. That is just weird. We're so grown up now I'm not too sure if I like it.

At some point, the hospital got involved. But grandpa's hopefully okay.

Prayers and more prayers.

Finally met Ezzie and Jo. 4-1=0. But since unnie was the mangkuk.. Lol. Yeah.
*hearts*

I'm still okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'll be okay.

"She doesn't want to be anybody's anything."

Pilu hatiku.

2011-11-20T19:38:00.000+08:00

At church last weekend, I saw something that made amused me, in a nice flippy way.

There was a black couple, walking into the auditorium and they were being ushered up the stairs. At the bottom of the stairs, before the man walked up, he offered his arm to the woman to help her up the stairs cause she was wearing some 5 inch heels (for some reason, most black women walk around with heels that tall all the time). It touches me that he actually realised, or remembered that his girlfriend's wearing real tall heels and would probably need help to climb those steps. Usually, the women would always reach out to hold on to the man, but she wasn't even going to hold him until he offered. And so, they walked up the stairs arms linked. Now, that is a gentleman.

Isn't that so sweet?
And so rare.
♥

Time out.

2011-11-20T16:57:00.000+08:00

"I'm sorry that I want so much and so little, but yet you're none of those."

I don't see another solution but only to walk down the road towards the end.
But i'm tired. So tired.

So lets stop walking for awhile.

Can I hitch a ride?

2011-11-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

"Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned." - Song of Solomon 8.6

Mutant Mayhem.

2011-10-30T19:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Halloween! Meow~

The one on the left is taken before, and the left is taken after.

Lets have a game of Spot the Difference. Lol.

*******

Somewhere by the end of the night, our head bands were stolen when we went to the bathroom or something. ): I sat there for awhile mourning the loss of my lil zebra ears that I had for less than 12 hours. I miss you, baby zebra ears. T_T I harbored deep affection for it within those few hours of having them. Sighs.

So. The people who took ours probably had the same thought as we did. They took ours, we take other people's. Lol. No idea who's cat ears those are, but who really cares? ;p

*******

Inside. *dubstep playing in the back*

Some unknown person/people had splattered fake blood/red dye on the dance floor. Most people were not pleased cause the toilet was immediately flooded with people trying to clean it off their faces. Haha.

First ever Halloween celebration for me. It wasn't incredibly awesome, but it wasn't bad.

thanks.

Occaasionally..

2011-10-27T18:45:00.001+08:00

Walking on lonely roads,
Feeling the familiar breeze in my hair,
Listening to the sounds of home,
Forsaken sanctuary.

Maybe, just maybe,

I wish I wasn't alone.

*******

Here is to showing off our scarf collection. Lol.

I honestly never knew we had that many.

But then again, my mum's closet always feels like a museum.

All good, pretty, old, new, weird, snakeskin, leather, shimmery stuff,

Indian, Malay, Chinese, Punjabi, extremely skimpy outfits.

Everything can be found there.

♥

Ipoh's been good to me.

You don't know.

2011-10-24T02:41:00.000+08:00

내가 왜 이러는지?

2011-10-21T13:04:00.001+08:00

Good enough to stay or bad enough to leave?
There's never really a fine line to differentiate these.

지쳤어.

2011-10-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

This fence that I'm on, its really hard to balance on.
I'm tired and I'm falling.

뭔가해야같아.

지쳤어. Again.

2011-10-14T10:47:00.001+08:00

Wasting time?
Yes. Yes, you are.
Yes, I am.

the blue fairy.

2011-10-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

Yeah, this is me. Most of the time.

These picture quotes thing seem to have resurfaced as a popular thing now. Its weird cause it was popular back when i was 14 or something. Its so weird when I am actually a generation away when these old things reoccur, I feel so senior. I wonder how the old people feel when they see the 70's fashion coming back, knowing how famous it was back then.

********************

This is going to be an empty post because well.. I don't have much to say. And honestly, I never knew that it would cause this much trouble for me.

Everybody needs a reminder sometimes.

We all know it. Its just hard to remember it.

I might be at fault for many things, but I know I'm not the only one wrong.

I make mistakes. Life does not come with an instruction manual.

Beetchhh~

2011-10-02T03:34:00.001+08:00

I can stand on my own.

As long as I'm on my own.

I'm not willing.

This is not right.

Dedicated to..

2011-09-21T00:37:00.001+08:00

To my dearest sister, Joan.

생일 축하 해요, 언니~

행복 하세요.

This is probably the only thing I'll always wish for you.

사랑해 ^^

♥♥♥

Barely.

2011-09-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

"Men suck. They break your heart. They cheat, they lie, they pick their mommies over you every time. Why do I need that?"

Lol, hilarious stuff. I'm not saying that I agree, i'm not saying otherwise.

That, however, is the truth.

Sometimes I read these stuff and i think "Nah, I don't wanna be bitter like that. I'll find that person that I can deal with, that I'm willing to accept." And then I'd be like "I don't need that in my life. Why should I have to try to please some one else?" And then I'd be like "I don't want to be alone."

That's a human thing to feel.

I'm not proud of it, I think its pathetic, I think I can be better.

But I'm not.

I hate that I believe in love.

I hate that I don't have it now.

People.

2011-09-14T20:57:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile. Well, I did say I should blog less.

I don't know if things that have been going on is worth blogging about.

Its not something that I'd like to remember; small, tiny happenings.

I've become so.. shallow?

I've changed once again.

Leaning more towards the worse than better.

This is bad change.

Strangers.

Only those remain.

We learn from our mistakes and still relive the past.

Running. Haunting.

No, I don't know why I did it.

I don't regret it, but i do think it was brash.

Time is not going to change anything.

Not this time.

We keep learning, love.

Hold on.

♥

271th.

2011-09-04T18:57:00.002+08:00

A leap of faith?

I can't wait for the day when I can really say "This is what I want."

I honestly have no idea right now.

But, how long can I remain stagnant?

I know that answer actually : very long.

But its time to stop being selfish and stop hiding.

At least i've stopped running?

Anti slut defense.

2011-08-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

"Hey i'm outside."

Scariest text ever.

*******

Take what you need and

be on your way.

Stop crying your heart out.

i'm walkin'

2011-08-23T14:00:00.002+08:00

Anything I do or don't do right now is already wrong.

Its never bothered me to be judged.

Its never just okay.

The dawn is breaking.

2011-08-14T01:26:00.000+08:00

We can help each other off the ground

so we never fall down again.

I think I might know how this feels.

Its no fairytale, its no nightmare.

Its not everyday, its not all the time.

Its not the cause, its not the reason.

Its not a half, its a whole.

Its not a yes, its not a no.

Its not selfish, its not a sacrifice.

Its not unconditional, its acceptance.

I believe, yet I don't.

Its not my say, its not yours.

Make an effort, just let it be.

But lately I got jaded,

life got so complicated.

사람.

2011-08-10T00:58:00.000+08:00

A reason for you to stay is not a reason for me not to leave.

Self actualization.

2011-08-06T02:32:00.000+08:00

This is temporary.

I know that. Or is it, I know that too?

"Have fun and be safe."

Lol. I cannot have the past coming to haunt me. Or should i say, too, as well?

I hope I know to think rationally when I should have to.

Focus.

So it seems I'm beginning to collect flowers. -.-
I don't know how, I don't know why, but I'd probably quit or give up.

Sometime soon, perhaps?

It was a pretty little pink thing though, exactly how I would like it.

***

"I know I'm very inexpressive about my concern."

"No. Its totally not obvious."

Hmmm. So.. nothing's changed.

***

"I didn't know you were so open minded."

I still don't think I'm one you can just have fun with.

I might appear to be, but I haven't changed that much.

***

I still don't understand why you would have to assume things like this about people.

Its not even judging. That's just you thinking that you know it is already true.

Major difference there.

***

Be cautioned.

I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

2011-07-30T02:46:00.001+08:00

나는 촛불을 보았다.
다른 기분이.

나는 술을 마시고.

머리 아파서.

계속웃고.

내가 Genting 에 가서.

힘들 었어, 오빠가.

저두요.

난 바다에 갔어요.

즐거웠어요.

나는 석양을보고, 손을 잡고.

한쪽에서 다른 쪽 걸어 고.
정말 감사 해요.

이것은 행복한가?

Apparently.

2011-07-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

I am blessed.

I have been blessed.

I might still be blessed in time to come.

I just constantly need a whack on the head to make me realise that.

Its okay to suffer, if we're living for Him.

I think I understand that.

I'm living.

Jiggy.

2011-07-19T14:39:00.000+08:00

"I can show you my everything."
-4MEN, 사랑해

I would never say that out loud to anyone. Maybe, I'll learn.

Elbows together.

2011-07-06T18:20:00.000+08:00

Last day of orientation, classes start tomorrow.
I need to stop blogging so much.

Learn to love.

What is it?

2011-07-05T20:05:00.000+08:00

The most constantly asked question not only to me but i think to alot of people as well; "Are you okay?" or "How are you?". It bothers me that I can never actually really answer those questions. Its unnerving when I don't feel like lying but I can't tell the truth. I can never just bring myself to say that I am okay. But its not like i'm not okay. It bothers me when there's nothing wrong with me and that already shows how something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be.. okay?

College has started. 2nd day of orientation. And i'd like to say that I have friends. But.. I'm not too sure. By tomorrow which is the last day of orientation, everything i've gotten used to for the past 2 days will change again and once more, i'd hit the restart button. Its amazing how easy it is to pretend like we actually know each other.

This one day that caught me off guard, traumatized me a little, a mere near death experienced that came and went. Just like the wind.

Lol. Fail poetry.

Farewell.

Blink twice, then you're gone.

2011-06-27T18:24:00.001+08:00

We have to have our run first. I've ran and now i've returned back home.

How many times will i have to run until I feel that i've ran far enough?

Cherished and created, lost and forgiven, not forgotten.

Super 8 was a terrible movie.

College starts in a week.

Its not like I'm looking forward to it, but its not like i'm not. Its also not like i'm not prepared for it. I had 7 months to prepare. I'll never be prepared. I feel like I should pack my whole life and bring it with me. Then I think again and i figured that there'll be nothing left. Once again, nothing to come back to.
I should learn to unpack.

I'd like to think that now its time to stop.

Stop running, stop fearing.

Damn ,when did i get this weak?

잊지 말아요.

2011-06-25T00:58:00.000+08:00

빠져 하면안돼.

얼마나 무서운데.

I don't wanna be there.

2011-06-21T15:26:00.000+08:00

"난 남자니까 모두 참아 모두모두 견뎌"

이것은 사실인가? ᄏᄏᄏᄏ

Its been bugging me for awhile but I never asked. Sad, right?

***

기뻐.

2011-06-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

Its 5 in the morning and i have too much 술 in my system. 1st time. Lets consider it the best for now.

Indefinitely.

2011-06-20T22:40:00.002+08:00

I hope to say that this was one of my best week for as long as I can remember but I'm not going to just in case karma comes and hits me from the back.

시작하다.

파란 꽃. 좋다. (:

Road trip!

It was one long, tiring, day. I think it was worth it too.

Pick-a-hope. Very hopeful right, this thing. -.- So from now on, I shall be Nothing.

If I were to do essay-blogging, this would end up really long. And I can't really tell what's wrong with me yet, considering how i'm constantly consciously lying to myself, essay-blogging is a big No right now.

CPU Prom 2011 :

Mass of dancing bodies. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ Its really too bad i didn't see it. Hmmm.

Acquaintances? People? Friends? 이것은 위험 해지고있다. ᄒᄒᄒ

내 사랑. ᄏᄏᄏ

재미있었는데. 분명히.

내가 미쳤되고 계속 거야.

한숨 쉬다. 미쳤어요, 내가.

그냥 한 번만.

2011-06-13T23:06:00.001+08:00

그냥..

KL. Hmm. I'll learn to get used to it.

Lighters.

2011-06-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back in Ipoh. Something new happens everyday, it's been interesting, somewhat exciting, partly tiring.

This. This is all weird. THIS. AISH. I don't know what to say, I don't even know if i would want it remembered on this blog. Hmm. Oh well. Just having fun. I'm gonna read this a year or 2 later and not remember a thing about what i'm typing right now.

Aish. Don't wanna blog anymore. Lol. Point is, i'm back in Ipoh and its nice to be home but I really wished I had a room to call mine. =/ I never knew i had such a big problem with sharing.

Its undefinable.

빛나는 별.

2011-05-30T00:52:00.007+08:00

Part III.

So my pictures are pretty much a mess. That's blogger for me.

They started off with Perfection (of course) and then they had a short introduction thing for awhile. Moving on to Blue Tomorrow. Min, who was so beautiful, i swear i was blinded by his smile, not the blinding lights shining out from the stage. He was the happiest I've seen him ever, face to face. Or more like face to face with a few hundred ppl between us. When the music for Blue Tomorrow started and they moved to their places and Min pulled up his ribbon thing on his neck and looked at it, then smoothen it back down. It was so adorable. It looked like he was trying to see if his ribbon was the same length or something.

This is Henry coming out and singing the beginning of 'Baby' when the MC asked who's the baby in the group and they all pointed at Henry. I constantly fail to remember how young he actually is. He's the thinnest I've seen him, lost his signature mochi cheeks, his face is practically V-lined now. Sighs. I also never realised he was that much taller than Wook. ᄏᄏᄏ

This is when Zhou Mi spanked Kyu's butt while explaining how he becomes a strict teacher when he has to teach them Mandrin and they don't cooperate. It was so cute, all the KyuMi fans must be rejoicing in the fanservice. And then the MC asked who's the most shy and Kyu answered in chinese and hid behind Mi and when SerenaC said that he shouldn't hide behind him, he went and hid behind Hyuk instead. It looked like Hyuk had no idea what's going on.

Wook's solo. It was all kinds of awesome. He finally did the whole song. His smile was so.. *swoons*. Its just this thing he does. He just sings and when he stops, he suddenly flashes a really big smile before continuing. He has definitely mastered the How To Kill Fangirls skills. Sighs. He walked quite near the edge of the stage and I could see him quite clearly, it was breathtaking. He was.

Interviewing time. Kyu said something like 'Wo you yi tian.. Hen re.' which translates to "I'm a little.. very hot." His Mandrin is just always hilarious to me.

Oh. And they had 6 fans going up to ask them questions and Min's fanboy was.. touching him. Lol. At the end, they can actually hug SJM but Min shook his hand instead and Wook sneakily said 'Hug hug' at the side, so they did. Lucky guy. So cute. Hyuk's fan asked if he still wears the members' underwear and Hyuk was all "Its mine. If you want, I show you." AHH. Okay. Enough flailing.

Hyuk's solo. One word. Sexy. Very. It was the last solo performance and everyone was pretty much crazy once he stepped out in his shiny red shirt with Beats headphones and then he took his time to sexily pull on his glove and then did a Michael Jackson tribute with a million kinds of thrusting and completely scream inducing.His jawline. OMG it's a million times sexier when you see it real. But he also has gotten alot thinner. Hmmm.

Zhoumi's solo was so fantastic elastic, really. Okay maybe not so elastic cause i don't think he's very stretshy. His nose. His nose is like.. perfect. He's all perfect. Even when he's just standing there, its like he's posing for a photoshoot. His smile is all sunshine and he sings. Really well. Lol. He was pretty close too and he kept making all these faces when he was singing. Aigoo.

Min and Wook. So beautiful. That's all I can say. I never took my eyes of Min the whole time and when I couldn't see him, I watched Wook.

Kyu's solo. He didn't walk out to the platform. So sad. I barely got to see him at all throughout the performances but he did end up dancing in front of our area during Super Girl and his hair was like messy and stuck to his forehead and it was bouncy and all. Totally adorable. He was pretty un-snarky this time but he was still him.

Saying their final goodbyes. Min was all 'Saya sayang Malaysia' and stuff. And Henry was all 'I was in Taiwan and I didn't want to leave Taiwan and now I'm in Malaysia and I don't want to leave Malaysia' in his accent and all. So cute. I miss him already.

After encore, final bow and they left. ):

The one thing that I am completely upset about and its not even the annoying girl next to me who kept trying to push me and then we ended up leaning on each other the whole time or the fact that I was stepping on something slimy and sticky and totally gross or the fact that the lady in front of me was almost a head taller than me and I couldn't see a thing or when the girl further in front holds up her placard and blocks the whole of Min's face from my sight and I try not to scream at her or throw something at her head, no. It was the fact that LEE DONGHAE 이동해 (the love of my life) DID NOT COME. HE DID NOT COME. AT ALL. Sighs. SO EXTREMELY SAD. Okay. Snapping out of it now.

They were AWESOME.
<3

1 Malaysia.

2011-05-29T03:06:00.004+08:00

Part II.

After standing and being squashed for about 3 hours, finally something happened.
Local acts.

I have no idea who he is but his song was called "Cerita Batinku", something like that? The song is screamy and he's trying to be all cool messing with the mic stand but really.. not cool.

She was cool, good singer, don't know who she is either. I liked her best though. The long-haired guitarist looked like a real young boy. Kinda cute la.

She sang Mercy. I already don't like Mercy but well. I feel bad for them. I wasn't even listening half attentively to them. I was only concerned about how my shoulder hurts and how i can't feel like leg and how the girl next to me kept pushing me.

She was the first to come up. She tried to get the crowd to jump but i think they just stared up at her blankly. Lol. Poor girl. There was no space to stand, I don't think jumping would have been a good idea.

She was cool too. I liked her song and once again, I have no idea who she is.

How nice of me to put one post up just for the local acts. Lol.

I think they finally decided to push Suju M up because apparently after that, Hujan and Kristal(?) was gonna come up but the crowd was really just.. Elfs. (:

Its currently 3am and I'm still pretty much awake but I'll write part III (and the most important part) tomorrow and I pray I dream of Min later. ᄏᄏᄏ

Himpunan Sejuta Belia

2011-05-29T01:57:00.006+08:00

Part I.

We reached about 3.30pm(?) and on our way there, the drove past us, that woke me up immediately, my heart rate was already getting extremely abnormal, i only managed to catch a glimpse of Henry's backup dancer. -.- They were driving so fast anyway, about 5-6 seven seaters, all the windows tinted and covered.

Walked in and tried to find the main stage (there were few sad small stages with random ppl playing) and immediately when we neared, we heard the screams. Started running, stood outside the barricades and there they were. From the side, we can see Kyu and Hyuk backstage doing rehersals. At that moment, it hasn't really hit me that 'Oh, i'm looking at Hyuk right now. He's standing right there with his black fedora and black V-neck, with Kyu sitting down, messy hair, looking real thin, and just.. singing.' It was.. wow. Then we heard Zhou Mi, he was wearing a very fashionable denim sleeveless jacket, superbly tall, perfect hair. Then Henry's backup dancers, who i saw in the van, came out, they rehearsed with Henry watching them from backstage in his trademark white cap and red-white stripped shirt. Don't ask me why i have to mention what they're all wearing.

That's Henry backstage watching his dancers. Dancing along at some point, completely adorable.

They didn't let us into the front where the stage is, only after the launching which starts at 5. So we.. finally tore ourselves away from the stage and wondered around for awhile. There was alot of things going on, alot of things on sale and alot of people.

This was taken when in the beginning, when we were not dying yet. But it was hot. Very hot. Then it drizzled for awhile. -.-

The launching started, finally. Followed by alot of speeches and other random stuff. We did sing Negaraku and I did listen to our PM's speech about "Youth is not about the future. Youth is about today. Hari ini." and on and on about how we will be seated in one of the parlimen seats in the future and how we will protect Putrajaya. Uhh. Yeah, sure.

Then we walked away and they did alot of other stuff while we sat there and watched the tent. Lol. For artists. It was really funny when at some point, they tied the doors up, it was as if they didn't have enough ppl to guard the doors to prevent ppl from going in.

The launching ended with there paragliders flying over with their coloured smokes. That part was pretty cool.

Soon after, the launching was over and we tried to get in. And that's where we started dying. We finally got in and.. stuck. Stuck there standing in the middle of the crowd and not being able to move. Or breathe. There was no space, no air, just ppl. Alot of ppl and BO. Sighs. The things we do for the people we love.

And the wait started. Sighs.

기다린날도,지워질날도.

2011-05-23T23:09:00.002+08:00

I have fringe like Jo's now. Hmmm. Her's is prettier. She'd never read this. ᄒᄒᄒᄒ
Mummy's gonna freak when she sees me. Oops.

I don't regret it. I don't love it. I don't hate.
Give me some time.

Now, I need to do intensive packing. Aigoo. I think it just suddenly hit me that I have to leave, I'm not too sure if i'm actually sad about it. I don't think I fit in at all here, but I pretty much got used to it. Ipoh? KL? Hmm. I miss having friends. Really. I think that's about it.

This is completely random but I really really miss 동해오빠.
Sighss.

Breathtaking gifts.

2011-05-20T19:39:00.003+08:00

"How've you been?"
"I sit around and get fat everyday."

"Oh, hello. Where did you go?"
"Somewhere else."

"What are you doing?"
"The same thing i did yesterday."

******

I chose.

Falling rain.

2011-05-19T21:06:00.002+08:00

At the very awesome lift in Iluma. I don't know why I never noticed the roof garden thing (that every mall in spore seem to have) at Iluma when I went there last time. Was the cinema always there? Hmmm.

I blame all my crazy shopaholic antics at my 3 best friends who are all stressed and depressed. Aish. I try to be apathetic but really, apathy's not for me. I'll just spend more time praying. Now that i actually have no more money to shop anymore, I'll have to resort to doing other things.

The kids. Sighs. The kids.
The food. Sighs. The food.
The life. Sighs. The life.

Oh, God.

내가 부족한가 봐.

2011-05-18T23:06:00.004+08:00

So i've made a collection. ᄒᄒᄒᄒ. 난 행복해.

내가 미쳤어.
완전.

希.

2011-05-16T19:42:00.004+08:00

*maniacal laughter*
ᄒᄒᄒᄒᄏᄏᄏᄏ 희희희희

Look what I found. For $5.90, I think it was completely worth it.

And just because I wanted to see this picture on my blog. (:

**************

I had a whole post up on my 11 days back in Malaysia and I swear I had it already posted up and the next day i checked, blogger was down for maintenance of some sort and the whole post disappeared. -.-

Now i'm slightly too lazy to re-do and re-up the whole thing. Sighs. Someday. I'll do it, someday.

Hubs and cribs.

2011-05-14T16:16:00.003+08:00

I got on the most interesting lift yesterday. Its almost antique, this lift. It was at a surprisingly busy part of Singapore. Lets not go into detail on why i was there.

When i walked into the building, there's this weird buttons that looked like up and down. I was slightly flustered when i couldn't press any of the buttons. Creepily, one of the lift doors was open. I quickly step in when i heard someone approaching, so i didn't look so jakun.

You see those black buttons with the numbers that indicate which floor you're heading to, yeah, those are kinda creepy. I was going to the 5th floor. The second you press the button (it sinks in and does not come back out until the lift reaches the floor), the door immediately closes (really fast, it kinda scared the crap outta me) and just goes up. There isn't a open and close button. When the door opens at the 5th floor, it stays open. Lol. It stays open until someone else presses another floor. OOH. And it also has 2 doors. You walk in one and out the other.

Lol. One awesome post just for this interesting lift.

*******

Take heart.

2011-04-26T00:27:00.002+08:00

"When I grow up, I want to be happy."

Again. I've done it again.
I hate how this is still about me.
I'm never gonna learn fast enough.

Infinite posibilities.

2011-04-15T20:10:00.002+08:00

Colours.

Hair.

And make up.

The result.

Adventures. Hmm.
I'm still looking for more. Always.

지친다.

2011-04-11T14:48:00.002+08:00

내가 말하고 싶은가 많아.
하지만 지금은, 아무 생각도 안나.
문제가, 난 맞죠?
매일 또 한숨.

하나님.

2011-04-04T20:57:00.002+08:00

I walked into a church today. Or rather I think God told me to go in. I was on my off-day-jogging mood. I just wanted to walk. I just wanted to walk real long and real far. If I only I didn't have to turn around and go back. I walked pass the church but for some reason (it was probably God), I turned around and walked up the stairs.

It was big, it was beautiful, it feels like God. I lingered outside for so long, hiding from the people that walked pass. I didn't dare to walk into the auditorium but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I told myself I won't leave until I prayed.

He told me to look for doors. I did. The moment I knelt down, I already started crying. It was unexplainable, my head was almost completely empty at that moment. It felt like He held me around the shoulders and said "You found it. You found Me."

이상한 느낌이었죠.
There is no words to explain.
It was just.. God.
Am I forgiven? Again?

A short notice.

2011-03-31T00:12:00.002+08:00

A good colleague, a good friend.
She had my back, taught me well.
First person I seeked advice from,
offering to do much more.
Words misunderstood, confusing sentences.
Corrected and learnt.

I may have been a bad person, I apologize.
I admire her ability to believe.
We may be more than acquaintances now,
we may nothing in the future.
Once in awhile I regret convincing you to leave,
now I stand alone and you still have too big of a heart.
Find the best for yourself and maybe when we meet again,
we'll still be able to understand each other.

i'm really gonna miss having you around.
이것은 끝난게 아니야.

Exchange.

2011-03-30T01:56:00.003+08:00

"Because it's the thing I dislike the
least out of everything that I dislike."

Taken from a very awesome fic I read.

I don't want to live like that.

전화.

2011-03-24T01:34:00.003+08:00

내가 사랑하는사람.
I remember.

사랑은 안 변해 사람이 변해.

2011-03-22T12:33:00.002+08:00

circumstances & consequences.
responsibilities & results.

when will it be my turn?

Keep my love for you.

2011-03-18T13:05:00.002+08:00

God tells me to welcome change.

I can't tell what changed.
I'm still doubtful, still confused, still fearful.
I'm still learning.
The road, I don't see it anymore.

Don't think.

2011-03-17T00:40:00.002+08:00

I got it. (: If i ever find the will to, maybe i'll go get another.
But for now, i'm broke.

Noone's ever gone too far down the wrong road
and not be able to turn back.
God will make a way.
Some way. Someday.

More than never.

2011-03-06T22:50:00.006+08:00

Went to Vivocity today. I practically spent a whole day there. Walked to every corner. Found my way to St. James Powerhouse which was the club that se7en performed in. :(

Then I walked. And walked. And walked again.

It was a 525m walk to and another 525m back on the Sentosa Boardwalk. It was evening, the sun was setting, quite a pretty sight if the sun wasn't glaring at my face the way it was.

I walked the whole 525m and then bought a pretty awesome and expensive iced lemon tea and walked back. I think we had to pay to get in but I didn't really dare to go nearer to pry. It was a good walk though.

I spent the whole day trying on clothes and shoes that I could and would never buy.

This not so impressive looking piece of denim dress did have alot of impressive little designs on it, like how every button on it is actually different and every denim used to piece it together is also different. This dress, it costs $209. -.-

This was from a very cute shop on some other mall connected (i have no idea how i got there, just alot of walking) with a very nice sales asst. and it was something like $89. Ahh. Fat.

I just wanted to wear something red. Its hard to find a red item in a not-so-intimidating-shop so I could just try in on and tell them I didn't want it. It was pretty and simple.

This was found in some other random place I walked into with a scary China aunty who was very nice who kept shoving clothes through the very transparent cloth to me. These kind of sales ppl are creepy. I don't want to have to become one. The clothes there are so cool and are apparently handmade (some had really nice drawings). That pair of really nice pink pants was $149. It had bells on it. LOL. The top was something like $49. Why would I buy some slightly lose and transparent top for $49?

Topshop? Lol. It's supposed to make people look skinny. Not.

Now this. Was completely tempting. Thank God I don't bring money out with me. Not enough to afford this anyway. Sighs. T_T The shop's called M)phosis. I have no idea how i'm supposed to pronounce it.

The most ridiculous priced thing I've seen to far is a $40 pair of flip flop. Seriously. They were just flip flops. The most normal looking pair of flip flops. I walked into Ted Baker. Didn't even dare to try anything. The placed looked to scary, other than the fact that everything was.. huge.

Coming home. Just for awhile.

Skipping ropes.

2011-02-25T20:42:00.003+08:00

By the time i leave this place, my resentment for kids will be at the highest point and at that moment, I will never be able to deal with any ever again. Ever. Maybe forever. Even the cute ones are just so.. meh.

I want them to just like. Disappear. Really. I'm mean. I know. There's this thing called privacy. Yeah, that thing. I need it. Now go away. Its as simple as that. My patience is wearing thin.

Works been surprisingly okay. The first two days were the death of me but now it feels like the most normal thing I do. Stand around everyday.

I make mistakes. New mistakes, new lessons. I've learnt many.

Tomorrow..?

2011-02-19T23:36:00.003+08:00

Today I got free ice cream.
Today I listened to my colleagues talk about kissing their tall boyfriends and the first time they did.. it (in their words). 15 is.. young.
Today I moped about not being able to see se7en.
Today I moped about not going to SS3 Malaysia.
Today I moped about how I still don't have 470$.
Today I might've enjoyed my day.
Today I'm still alive.

Tomorrow.. Let's hope I'm still alive.

없음.

2011-02-17T22:29:00.002+08:00

I've worked 2 days, messed up more than i can remember. I never thought it'd be easy. But still.. I suddenly realised that in the end i still chose a job where there is no 남자. Oh well. There's alot who walk pass everyday. Some really.. 즐거움. The hair especially.

When i'm not trying to memorize the colour of the shirt and where its placed, i just stand and.. watch. Sighsss.

괜찮아.

So. I can finally cut the 'go to uniqlo' off my to-do-list.
짜잔!

No, i didn't buy it. T_T I secretly took a picture of it. I WILL buy it when I have the money to. God please let it still be there when I get my pay. Sighs. It was so hard to walk away from it.

오빠 야, 날 기다려.

Relax, I'll be there.

2011-02-10T22:13:00.003+08:00

I.. am still in Singapore. I still sleep so late and wake up so late. Today I walked the kids the school. I wonder how old was I when I went to tuition without my mum walking me in. Come to think of it, I don't think she ever did. I never had much tuition anyway. Doesn't this already show how much slightly stupider i am? What am i talking about now. Ish.

Today i heard the kid shouting at my grandfather. I was this close to going out there and giving her a huge slap on her face, helping her learn to respect. Omg i'm gonna be a terrible aunt to my sister and friends' kids. Let me apologize beforehand.

Today i went for a traumatizing interview and walked around the same mall, the same floor, 4 times. Then i took half an hour to go to another mall to do the same thing. Alone.

This.. sky garden thing. It took me an hour to get to this mall. It was apparently very 'in' in Singapore. Is that like a cool Singaporean term? It wasn't too bad. There were a lot of.. students. Young, happy, smiling, slightly annoying. There was this group of friends in the shop.

Girl : See this. Isn't this cute? 16.90$ leh. You can put this in an envolope and pass it to her.
Boy : What is it? No need lah. I can ask my friend to give it to her.
Girl 2 : Why are you buying something for her? Is she going oversees?

Anyway, the point to that conversation is how it makes me nostalgic. Going to school, asking your friend to pass present to the person. Sighs. I feel old all over again.

Lou sang? Yeah. I think i.. need that 10As. T_T Sighss.

난 오늘 송중기 만났다. 인사 수가 없었어. 내가슬픈지.

그리워요. 집.

THE GUI LING GOU OF MY LYFE.

2011-02-04T00:50:00.006+08:00

SUPER SHOW 3 SINGAPORE

Day 2 :

I'm just gonna randomly mention things in this post now.

Lets see how it got started. We woke up early, sent my friends off to the bus station. We were one stop away from the Stadium, it would've been completely stupid to not go there. The main point was initially to just collect Wookie stuff for Kristal and ourselves. And then we reach and.. things happened. Haha. We were inquiring at the counter about the tickets, 20% off kononnya. We left the counter to umm.. count if we actually had enough money to buy the tickets. While we were slightly busy counting, an Indonesian girl came over and asked us if we wanted to buy her tickets for 250$. We were like.. 'why not?' Lol.

She disappeared after awhile because apparently Suju just arrived at the stadium for rehersal. Might i remind you that during all of these events, the rain was still falling. -.- After everything, all we could come up with was 240$. She kindly accepted it. I felt slightly bad.

We hung around that creepy mall opposite the stadium for the whole afternoon until we had to go in. We had absolutely no money left for anything. All we had were coins, even lunch was a problem. At that moment, it didn't matter much. (:

Min's pretending to sing Yesung's part when they all stuffed his face with mics. There was alot of nonsensical english from them. Stuff like 'Are you happy? Am i happy? I am happy. We all happy." Or things like 'You want water? You want towel? You want money? HAHAHA.' And more 'I love Singapore.' And 'What's up, Singapore?' I think it was almost all they could say.

They were seriously happy that day, completely hyper. They ran around alot, played with the fans alot, messed around with each other alot, took alot of pictures. Sighs. Of course i wish it was me, it'd always be 10 tens better if it was me, but right now, i'm just gonna settle with being able to see them smile in the first place. Real, genuine smiles. So precious to me, all of them. (:

Heechul was also (finally) happy. He posed for pictures, talked to his fans, played around with a jjinbbang fan that he got. Gah. His smile was just.. *faints*. It was such a sight, he walked around with a smile on his face and all. I tried to keep my eyes on his the whole show through but Hae kept distracting me. Yes, i can actually love all of them that much. It's awesome. Them, i mean.

Hyuk was just being his usual self. Playful, shy, teasing. Haha. And naked Siwon from the front is all kinds of awesome. I tell myself all the time that someday, just someday, i'm gonna have to get used to it. But that day's not going to be soon.

At the end, they did their infamous, thumbs up and kissing thing. I think they all directed the kiss to Hyuk. *flails* After the 3 of them left, Hae was still standing there and he said "Give me the music." Wahhhhh. So adorableee.

Post concert face. (: We walked out into the rain again after that. -.- Oh, with the goodie bag of course. Which has a weird looking blue lightstick in it and some funny hand slapping thing in a transparent bag that says Super Junior. I left the stadium contented. Everytime i pass by the Stadium MRT station, i'm so tempted to just go down and wait for another Super Junior concert. SS3 Malaysia, please happen. >_<

It's all good. For now.

I would die for you, but you won't do the same.

2011-01-31T18:45:00.005+08:00

SUPER SHOW 3 IN SINGAPORE!

Day 1 :

I did after all come searching for an adventure and SS3 is the best first adventure here ever. It was alot of walking, sitting on really hard ground, sleeping on fliers, being under the rain at 4am and nowhere much to go. It was alot of sacrificing and i think i can still say that going through all that was still pretty much worth it. I know, the kind of love i have for these 13 men in a idol group scares me too, but i'm proud of it.

We reached spore at about 7 and headed over to the stadium at about 9.30pm. We were hungry and didn't know where to go. We snooped around a lil and almost got caught for breaking in to the stadium. Eekk. That was a lil scary. After eating (expensive food), we settled next to a wall and spent the whole night there. I took the first train back, got freshened up, rushed all the way back.. to sit in line again. -.-

After being tagged and brought to toilet breaks, running around for 15 minutes trying to get some free stuff, we were finally let in. Ran around the pit trying to pick a spot to stand, decided to be right in the front and well.. waited.

It started, i used my throat wrongly, now it hurts whenever i try to raise my voice, not that i would need it much now until SS3 Msia. (:

They came out with Sorry Sorry Remixed which is all sexy and all. And i really can't recall much but i definitely watched all the choreography from up close and damn they're sexy expressions. Screamed my head off for Henry and Zhoumi because i think the crowd weren't nice enough to them (as usual) and they deserve all the love from me. ^^ The crowd definitely loved 'Baby' though. Zhoumi was all sexy and long legged for his solo with his flippy hair and eyeliner. At the end when they were saying goodbye, Kyu even came out and made fun of his dance.

I think it was during 'No Other' when Kyu came and stood in front of us for awhile. That glamorously beautiful smirk he gave us when he was going away was just.. scream inducing. He did his cute lil waving thing and then well.. left.

This was the most.. memorable moment. Ever. I was completely blinded by his beautiful shining smile and he was just being all.. Teukie. *swoons*

Heechul was sooooooooo.. beautiful. Gah. There was alot of moments with Donghae and Siwon when they were supposed to be dancing, he just keeps shooting them smiles at them and I wanna like.. grab his off stage or something.

Kyu came behind Teukie and hid for awhile while Teukie was still waving. Sighssss.

There's alot to mention but i really don't think i can and everything in this post is already at random. So here goes some random. Zhoumi's legs are like half the size of the girl dancers. Sungmin didn't pull off his shirt which was slightly disappointing. However, seeing the whole thing from up close was just.. breathtaking. It was a lil too much for my innocent heart to handle.

Hyuk was as usual, sexy during the duet. I freakin saw him tear off the front of his shirt. Whhoooot. I think i almost died. Shindong ran over a few times, he was his usual self, happy. Most annoying part was that they barely walked pass us. Sighsss.

Siwon. BWAHAHAHA. Kristal and I had many umm.. moments together staring at Siwon. Its not my fault, he wasn't wearing a shirt. I tried really hard to stop watching him. If its any consolation to myself, i did stop after uhh.. hips. HAHA. Then looking at Yesung and Sungmin wasn't much difference anyway. GAH. I'm going outta my brains now.

There were some pretty good quotes from Yann and Eunice with all the time we spent together hobo-ing at the stadium, some that goes along the line of 'did you take drugs?' Lol.

Oh, and we took pictures in the middle of the street at 3 in the morning, running around because Yann was scared of standing at the middle of the cross section on the road. Fun times.

Despite being super tired, having bruises on my knees, on my arms, on my chest from leaning against the railing so much, i did enjoy almost every moment of it.

Day 2 coming right up. (:

난이 좋지 않아요.

2011-01-18T20:37:00.000+08:00

Someone, anyone, please buy me some sleeping pills.
And some shoes.

도와 줘요.

2011-01-09T02:27:00.002+08:00

This kind of 우정, I really don't understand. Its very sad when I actually consider us 친구 and yet we are nothing more and nothing less. Someone precious to me and yet we can't even communicate. What is this exactly? Everyone probably has some people like this in their lives. Are we all just gonna leave it as it is? Don't blame me, I tried. I actually did. I made an effort, one that's usually unlikely to happen. Making small moves like that is pretty hard for me but for the sake of it, i do. I can't change this, I've been trying. This is really weird. I don't even know why i'm blogging about this. This is very unlike me.

오 마이곧. 난 이상하네. T_T

Getting used to it.

2011-01-03T23:49:00.003+08:00

Today I took some pictures with many trees, pretty ones i must add, despite how i never had much love for the nature. Sorry, God. =/ Got another few mosquito bites from this.

Then I climbed up a.. tank. Would've gone higher but there were ppl walking around and all. Next time. (:

Then i went for a walk/jog/run/stop thing. I loved the wind. It was.. liberating. LOL.

Then I took a picture with a cat statue. I've been there many many times but i've never ever took a picture with the cat, how absurd is that.

Then I went to visit mummy because it is the only place I can walk to and where it is not deserted and the only thing to do. Hmmm. People. Haven't seen much.

Boring, i know.

Just live.

2011-01-01T19:33:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year. (:

It's already 2011. It's been a slightly uneventful year for me cause there was only 1 event (supposedly) for all 17 year olds. -.-

But that's okay. I've decided not to harbor any discontent towards it because its
(also supposedly) life changing.

I'm ready for more and i think this is the first new year i've enjoyed. No, i'm not any less confused about life right now, but I could care less right now.

Confidence, he says. Hmm. Maybe this year i could find some. I still don't know if i've anything to live for, but you know what, just live.

Whatever it is, just live.

Ya'll here that? Don't die this year, or next year, or any other year. Let the world end on its own, don't end mine for me. (:

'내꺼, 사랑한다.' Best line i've heard in 2010. LOL.

flash.

2010-12-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

A lil late but..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lol. New year's coming already and i really dunno what to feel about it. I was excited for awhile with all the possibilities that could happen. Apparently, fear's got the better of me. Again.

Sighs. Either way, let's just live. Forget about everything else.

내 소중한 친구 들.

Still in my crib.

2010-12-23T00:53:00.003+08:00

I suddenly lost all the Christmas spirit and its only 2 days to Christmas spirit. T_T

Oh well. I like big teddy bear, their arms specifically.

Sometimes change is.. good.

2010-12-22T01:05:00.004+08:00

Last day at school. Slightly nostalgic about it. But, life goes on.

I'm probably gonna start or umm.. continue crazy blogging. Like i mentioned (to nobody, and since nobody reads this, i think thats alright too), i am trying to get a life back. I'd like to think of it as continuing it after putting on halt for a long time. Nevertheless, the fear of it is still getting to me.

I.. changed. I might not like saying it, but i always believe in admitting the truth. I'm probably still never going to be the same again and the thought of it is just so surreal. I didn't notice i'd been in denial for that long.

Life changing experiences, I'm looking for you. Come find me now, i think i'm ready to take another step forward.

Finally.

Today while i was alone (again, as usual), I guess it didn't feel so fine anymore. I don't even know if that's a good thing, its been too long. I feel.. old. Its like i lived life for too long, died and floated around or something. I really don't make sense nowadays.

Sighs.

2.

2010-12-21T01:15:00.001+08:00

I think my brain's dying everyday.
Oh well, i don't need it much now, do i?

(: Freedom.

1.

2010-12-21T01:05:00.003+08:00

i'm right there at the edge of the world
thinking maybe i should turn around
pinky promises and things to want
thinking maybe its okay to fall
reaching just a lil higher
falling just a lil further
thinking maybe i'll get there someday
future is once again blurred
the words of a sinner
sorry i couldn't do better
losing a quarter
hopefully never
don't miss this now
yesterday's gone
thinking maybe,
maybe its time to breathe
will i be alive tomorrow?

And sleep. Whooo. I just came up with a random poem. Read carefully and maybe it'll make sense. Didn't know i could come up with things like things. Maybe i should try again. Soon.

내일?

2010-12-05T19:27:00.001+08:00

매일 죽어가는 느낌, 나.
언제?
혼자.

23.

2010-11-23T00:27:00.001+08:00

Take my hand we walk into the battlefield together.

Price i'm willing to pay.

2010-11-20T00:10:00.001+08:00

What for?
Take chances and don't look back.

사랑인가?

2010-11-04T17:52:00.002+08:00

I love him; pink, weird and all that.

생일 축하해, 오빠야.

Chances.

2010-11-02T01:56:00.000+08:00

God is good, always. Fullstop.

찾았다.

2010-10-18T22:02:00.004+08:00

17th October 2010. I finally saw and heard the legendary and pretty awesome 동방신기, even if it was only 3 of them I'm all for the 5 or nothing thing, so their still very much 동방신기 to me with a different name.

JYJ. I'm not a fan but i'm proud of them.

I don't regret going but i do regret wearing heels this time. I took them off the second i reached my seat in the stadium. I wish i was a tad bit nearer but its alright. They were all happy and all cause apparently Jaejoong was in a terrible mood the day before, its good to see them smile, although i think only Jaejoong smiled once. It was blindingly beautiful, of course.

The crowd was so.. despondent. I don't know. Weird. Maybe i expected more. Why am i always at the side of the stadium where the crowd is just.. not responsive. Chihh. 재미없어.

As if this needs to be stated at all, they sounded so good live and danced well. Jaejoong was being such a tease with his hips (LOL i can't believe i'm saying this), Yoochun and his english, Junsu and his voice. It was all good.

(:

Fools,

2010-10-15T19:46:00.000+08:00

we are.

a pretense that no human is selfish,
that they all care for each other.

결혼 했어요.

2010-09-26T20:31:00.003+08:00

They look so perfect for each other, its kinda hard to believe. That's my uncle. That's his high school sweetheart. They got married. (:

엄마와 언니 함께.

And so, my cousins came back.

The bride. 행복죠.

"We're happy together. Let's spend the rest of our lives together."

Someday. Someday those words might just come from me. LOL.
Yeah. I'm still dreaming, I know.

Only one name.

2010-09-25T00:24:00.001+08:00

If I were to jump off a building, it has to be a really tall one;
so the fall would be longer and I can feel like I'm flying for just a little while.

.

Mission complete.

2010-09-19T01:38:00.001+08:00

I've always wanted to try this night shot thing for a long time.
Or rather since Big Bang TV.
And now i have.
(:

박수.

2010-09-17T02:32:00.003+08:00

This is way overdue but this was the opening of Lost World Hot Spring & Spa. And the bright light is the fire breather. It was really hard getting a shot of him fire breathing. Lol.

Before we uhh.. sneaked in. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ

The first single picture I've taken in a loooong time.

With mummy. Who was bouncing to the beat. Lol.

Beach Party at Lost World. It was filled with half naked, smoking and drinking dudes and girls in bikini. Hmmm. Yeah. Who knew Ipoh had this many ppl.

I should really stop going to Lost World. Blehhh.

The world.

2010-09-11T00:45:00.001+08:00

Lol. Today. One 아저씨 said to me.

"A word of advice. Don't like a guy who uses an umbrella."

After thinking about it for awhile, I agree. (:

Be sick. Be loved.

2010-09-04T22:10:00.004+08:00

I broke my own record today.
17 hours.
That's double normal sleeping hours.
I didn't even think that was possible.
I didn't know life was this tiring.

Run.

2010-09-02T16:04:00.001+08:00

Our other quarter was not here today.

Just kids.

2010-08-29T16:26:00.003+08:00

Its just gotta go on hold for awhile.
Let me breathe again.

It's been an interesting weekend.

Went to Penang, shopped a little, kinda hurried, ate subway, walked around and came home. No sleep. Wrong time, insomnia. Just wrong. It was much more interesting but i'm running out of words to say already.

I have no idea why it says 'Lover's Bridge' and then i♥u dad at the bottom. Ipoh needs more places like these. And that is my mum's photo taking skills which basically mirrors my sister's : NONE. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ Try to spot us.

Tried on some varied amount of dresses. I need to stop taking terrible pictures. Eeeeshhh.

Behind the gates of the Tiger Valley in Lost World. Which is not technically not allowed.

Tiger cub. It's 42 days old and apparently still scared of things. Still nameless, sadly.
Its such a furry sweetheart.

Once in a lifetime. Maybe, just maybe,
if there's another chance, i'd consider the snake. ᄒᄒᄒ

****************

We sat around, laughed, talked, cooked, drank, laughed some more, watched, laughed again.
고마워,친구야. I lurve you guys.

대박.

2010-08-21T16:44:00.003+08:00

생일 축하해, 기범오빠.
I love you even though you have hair longer than mine,
even though you're too busy acting as a ghost,
even though you get a lil fatter,
even though you don't talk,
even though you don't do anything in general,
even though you've been missing forever,
I still love you.

난 아직도 오빠를 사랑해.
♥

Happy 4th Anniversary, 빅뱅 오빠들이!
I believe you guys are different and will last for.. a long time. (:
빅뱅 영원히~!

Languagesth>ko GoogleCE

빅뱅.

Bounce.

2010-07-31T01:52:00.000+08:00

Trying to disappear.
Really.

Bon Odori.

2010-07-25T23:57:00.003+08:00

A feeble attempt to hide from the camera.

It was an interesting night.
Very interesting night.
Could've been SO much more interesting if we ended up in Penang.
^^

I understand..

2010-07-10T16:34:00.004+08:00

..희철오빠.

오늘은 오빠의생일인데요.
생일축하해.

I'll watch your back for you
while you face the world.
오빠, 힘내요~

사랑한다, 영원히 ~♥

We're on fire.

2010-07-06T16:37:00.002+08:00

생일 축하해, 오빠!
미안 해요, 좀 늦었어요.
사랑해~
♥

The clock's ticking,
i'm still waiting.

Aku janji.

2010-07-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

Ezzie's got confirmed! Whooot~

Stayed over at her place and had a mildly crazy night. Watched a tamil movie and sat around watching the world turn (upside down) and all. Its still a new experience.

♥

The only car left at the parking lot, it was more like a field.

Wheee~

In the middle of the very sleepyfying mass.

And i call this : The Picture of The Day (:

*hearts*

Oh.

2010-07-02T18:38:00.003+08:00

There's an underlying amount of pain behind those smiles.
Breaks my heart.

Maybe its just me and my messed up mind again.
ᅲ.ᅲ

고구마.

2010-07-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

생일 축하해, 이특오빠!
Be strong, keep smiling.
Stay healthy, we'll protect your boys with you.

힘네! 내가 널 지켜 줄께요~ ♥

Love, love.

2010-06-28T21:34:00.004+08:00

Okay. BEAST WAS IN MALAYSIA, and i went to see them. Of course i did. (: I do consider myself a fan, i've been watching them since they debuted, stood up for them, watch them grow and fell in love even more.

This was my first experience of what i call a terrible crowd of fans. It was all crazy and ppl were just all screaming and shouting and pushing for god knows what reasons, with all the fake fainting and stuff, it really amused me. Maybe the kind of fandom they're in is just slightly different than mine. Mine's made out of love and only love.

Back to that day. 27th June @ KL Live Centre. Wrong choice of venue. Sighsss. The place was packed when we reached there about 5.30 ++ and we had to stand in line for 3 hours or so because i don't know what's up with all the fans or if they're actually tired or not, they refused to sit. There were 2 korean girls in front of me in the line and i swear i've seen them before. Up until now, i still don't know where. Chih. This is getting irrelevant.

After a lot of screaming and pushing and all that, we finally made our way into the hall at about 8.35 or so. Thats wayy too late but there's no point complaining. They were playing the videos and all that, thank God for the screen at the back. Loads of scary fanboys who cheered when they played 4 minute's MV. They host dude is really nice despite how the fans are definitely not.

BEAST finally came up. And for the life of me, i really don't remember which song the sang first or the sequence, but they sang a total of 6 songs and ended with a remixed version of Mystery and Bad Girl, they sound so so so good live.

After the U-Kiss experience, this was a lil different, they fans weren't all THAT happy and neither were BEAST. We're not allowed to pass them gifts personally, no touching and only a handful of them spoke to them. Lol. Let's start with members.

Junhyung : So much swagger. He is exactly like that in real life. No wonder he calls himself the joker. He has the same facial expression for the whole 3 hours or so and its just.. him. He's got really diamond shaped eyes, gorgeous forehead, really awesome hair and he's rap is like WOW. Sorry, bias showing a lil but he was always my first love. (: At the fansigning session, I was shaking going up on stage and because he was first i took all the courage i had and said '안녕하세요, 오빠' and silence. So i decided, i have to say something, and i continued '사랑해요' , in which where he looked up and i stared at his eyeliner+eyes and he nodded at me. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ

Dongwoon : Ahhh he's just like all smiley and all. Nicest to fans so far i think, he's just such a sweetheart. First, he's really tall. As if we don't know that. And he was just smiling at us genuinely, its so hard not to return it. Looking at him smile just makes me wanna melt and slurp my way into their suitcase and back to korea with them.

Kikwang : AWW he's so tiny seated next to Dongwoon who's easily half a head taller than him seated and he was all smiles and it was like all rainbowy and sunny looking at him. I managed to re-pull myself together and i said '사랑해요, 오빠' to him and he smiled again. Awwww, i wanna squish him and all that. OHH and he flashed his abs (twice) the night before but because i was so far behind i only managed to see like.. 2 packs instead of six. HAHA. So adorable.

Doojoon : OMG HE WAVED AT ME and i was like 갸야야아~ He waved at me 3 times when he looked at my sign and just smiled. I might have died and came back to live. At that moment, it was just SO worth it standing there being pushed ad pulled and all that just to know that he know i exist and i am his BIG fan. At least my face crossed his mind once? *hugesmile* He was making really really cute faces the whole night and i spent almost the whole time trying to look in between heads and arms trying to find him. He was all leader-ish, tried to interact with the fans from upstairs as well. How can i not fall for someone like him? Aww, i miss him already.

Hyunseung : He's all beautiful and porcelain skinned and doll-like and just so.. have i mentioned beautiful? I don't know what kind of mood he was on that night or even the next day cause he was just like.. that. He had time to like examine his fingers while autographing. Poor baby looked so pale and all sickly, or maybe that's just me but i wanted to cheer him up so i made my sister write me a sign on the spot and no offence, but it looked like crap at first. Who cares really? The point is, when they were getting up and ready to leave, they came to the front, stood in a line and waved at the crowd. I kept flapping my board at him and he finally saw it, i swear he finally broke into a tiny tiny smile and WAVED AT ME! I became completely incoherent at that moment. On the next day at 1U, the books kinda stopped moving for awhile so when it was my turn to stand in front of him, he looked up and stared at me, like seriously, we had some kind of staring competition or something it was so scary and all but isn't that what i went up stage to do anyway, stare at them? OMG his eyes were like piercing and scary but i couldn't look away, he finally broke it and looked down to sign. I will remember that face of his for the rest of my life. Up until now, if i close my eyes i can still see him staring at me. ᄒᄒᄒᄒ

Yoseob : He's like tiny and all, with his little smile and kinda small face, he was so adorable. And oh, i haven't mentioned that i went on stage holding a sign that says "Let's get married" in which where HE READ IT. He was the only one who really read my sign, he mouthed it out as he read it and then looked at me when he was done, i was practically shaking, then HE NODDED. TWICE! Bwahahaha, i went off stage thinking "Can we get married yet?" His face was like a mixture of shock, amusement and bored. Lol. Mostly surprised though, i was the only one with a sign that said such weird things. OMG at that time, waiting in line for 5 hours straight, being treated like prisoners and all that was SO WORTH IT.

In other words, despite being totally passive about it all and i didn't get to talk to them, didn't get to touch them, i sound like such a perv but it was a pretty great day. Concert? Definitely. 돌아와, 요, 오빠! ᅲ.ᅲ

Now let the pictures do the talking, there's not much, but yeah.. The pictures are all at random.

My Doojoon sign where HE WAVED AT ME and taking this picture, i was still pretty high that time, standing still was almost impossible.

Saying goodbye, waving at the crowd. Love love love the red suits. OHHH i think this was like moments before Hyunseung waved at me. Wheeeeee~

They just got out of their seats , moving to the front of the stage. Didn't i mentioned the pictures are all at random?

OHH. Moe. ᄏᄏᄏᄏ He had his hand on my back and he's so nice la AISHH. No Mike though, omg i really have to get over this stupid crush i have on him.

Uhhh. Before the autograph session began, we were on our way to wondering to the front of the place where miracles take place. (:

This was actually the first picture taken. LOL they came out in white and Hyunseung's shirt was so transparent under the light HAHA.

There's alot more to say, but.. it's okay. I will remember. 영원히..

I may a more bigger fan than i already am now, but i don't really dare to call myself a B2UTY yet because being a fan is more than just that. What i am now though is an avid supporter and i REALLY want them to do well and hopefully reach the top someday. At least i know watched them grow from the beginning and that i'll be here watching them reach the top.

I shit you not.

Somebody else.

마지막.

Hello, 2012.

Jumping into the unknown.

Stories and Fairytales.

Merry Christmas!

Please, God?

12 Daddy Tips.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Pilu hatiku.

Time out.

Can I hitch a ride?

Mutant Mayhem.

Occaasionally..

You don't know.

내가 왜 이러는지?

지쳤어.

This fence that I'm on, its really hard to balance on. I'm tired and I'm falling.

뭔가해야같아.

지쳤어. Again.

the blue fairy.

Beetchhh~

Dedicated to..

♥♥♥

Barely.

People.

271th.

Anti slut defense.

i'm walkin'

The dawn is breaking.

사람.

Self actualization.

I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

Apparently.

Jiggy.

Elbows together.

What is it?

Blink twice, then you're gone.

잊지 말아요.

I don't wanna be there.

기뻐.

Indefinitely.

그냥 한 번만.

Lighters.

빛나는 별.

1 Malaysia.

Himpunan Sejuta Belia

기다린날도,지워질날도.

Breathtaking gifts.

Falling rain.

내가 부족한가 봐.

希.

Hubs and cribs.

Take heart.

Infinite posibilities.

지친다.

하나님.

A short notice.

Exchange.

전화.

사랑은 안 변해 사람이 변해.

Keep my love for you.

Don't think.

More than never.

Skipping ropes.

Tomorrow..?

없음.

Relax, I'll be there.

THE GUI LING GOU OF MY LYFE.

I would die for you, but you won't do the same.

난이 좋지 않아요.

도와 줘요.

Getting used to it.

Just live.

flash.

Still in my crib.

Sometimes change is.. good.

2.

1.

This fence that I'm on, its really hard to balance on.
I'm tired and I'm falling.